Shift – A Game About Love, Fear and Life

nicole –

i love the show grey’s anatomy –
and i love many of the quotes – this one is about fear and is about mistakes but most of all it’s experience.

you have the experience to back your word, you’ve learned from our mistakes and from what worked and didnt.

go big nikki, go big.

i’m with you – k

“A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don’t know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I’d have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you’re wrong? What if you’re making a mistake you can’t undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can’t pretend we hadn’t been told. We’ve all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today’s possibility under tomorrow’s rug until we can’t anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.” meredith grey

“I don’t know how long I can do this, he said. I think the universe has different plans for me & we sat there in silence & I thought to myself that this is the thing we all come to & this is the thing we all fight & if we are lucky enough to lose, our lives become beautiful with mystery again & I sat there silent because that is not something that can be said.” – Brian Andreas

I couldn’t have said it better myself.
My thoughts and support still lie here – but as of now, I’m out in the universe making other plans.

the events of toy fair are still running around my head, as if they have the New York energy, just as i’m settling back into my rocky mountain routine…
i havent had a chance to write yet, or more likely, i havent known what to write.

let me start with this.  i am 23 years old.  this, and toy fair speicifically, is the biggest thing i have ever been a part of.  and when you can stand back, and soak that in, it is a humbling feeling.
i love NY, i love everything about it, and feel as if every time i leave, i come home with a sense of inspiration and new found courage to go boldly. 

let me state how these lessons came to be on this trip.

we always say that our goal is to operate with ease and grace.  we arrived in NY, were picked up by our van service, dropped our stuff off, and made it to Charlotta’s easily.  we set up saturday morning, and spent the afternoon shopping.  ease and grace.
sunday, the opening day of toy fair, started with a boom – literally.  lightning, thunder, and over two feet of snow.  i questioned nicole for putting make-up on, just to walk through horizontal wet snow, and the miami girl in her continued to do so.  we bundled up, set out, and froze.  there is something about a city that is burried. there is a silence that can’t be explained, but only experienced.  i managed to fall on my butt, and even run into a man in the middle of the street because it was so painful to look up.  i was grumpy to say the least, and nicole learned from me, all it takes is five minutes, and i’m fine.

the first day was quiet.  we met many people.  as i like to think, we made friends.
the next few days came and went.  they were a blur.  but lessons were learned and i’m thankful for those people who stopped to learn about shift.
i learned that the game really works.  on a slow afternoon i played the game with the man from the booth next door.  before that, i knew his name, he made games, and he was silly.  after playing the game, i formed such an understanding with him that i was sad to say goodbye.  he knew me and i knew him and by the end, we were friends.  just because we took a half – hour to play the game.  i had never been so proud of the game.

i learned to believe in what you do and be proud.  it radiates. people can tell.
i learned to watch out for water puddles (as i stepped in one every day of toy fair…).
i learned that we are living the sugi tanka quote, "Don’t go with the flow.  You are the flow." 
…and, we are the future of games.
turns out toy fair is a lot like summer camp, in my opinion.   you are intimidated at first, you make these relationships, you learn the ways, and just as things get good, you need to pack up and go home.  granted there are no campfires or mosquito bites, but the bags are heavy, and everyone is exhausted when it is all said and done.  you go home and wonder if you were crazy for doing what you had done, but know that every experience makes you who you are and takes you where you are going. 


(i’ll add my after Toy Fair lessons…
 - you don’t think you can do something until you have to – then you do it and wonder what you were waiting for.  you feel fabulous.
-nothing works without communication.
-see only the present – love the past – and carry the lessons with you to the future.
-slow down.
-laugh with your whole body.
-go big or go home.
-live in the moment.)             -Thank You.

Today, February 7th, was gorgeous outside.  I’m a summer kid any way you look at it, and for a day like this in the middle of winter, I couldn’t have asked for any more.  I had to run some errands and took advantage of the sunshine and breeze, rolled the windows down, turned the music up.  There is something about driving with the wind in your hair that makes you feel like a badass.  No way around it. 

When I feel "not good enough," or a little loser like, I remind myself of that moment.  When I’m alone I am invincible, when I’m singing at the top of my lungs  out of tune I am invincible, and when I’m in the corner of a crowded room I am invincible – that it – if I let myself…

Roll down your windows and sing as loud as you can.  Love who you are.

Carry it with you every where you go.

So friday night I went out to celebrate a good friend of mine (as I refuse to call it a going away party) and the subject of Oprah came up, specifically the most recent show with James Frey came up.  My friend, who loves oprah even more than I do, agreed with everything she said.  "He’s just a liar," he said. I asked if he had read the book and he said no.  He said he would never read a book  "claimed" to be true, but not and that five simple words – Based on a True Story – would have made all of the difference to him.

I love oprah – I love everything she stands for, everything she does, the change she creates.  She is an inspiration to everyone.  but I didn’t love what she had to say about James Frey and his book, A Million Little Pieces.  Maybe novacaine was used, maybe his time in jail wasn’t accurate, and maybe Lily didn’t hang herself – but maybe, just maybe privacy was protected, respect was shown.  What do details matter when the point is the same? 

To James I say thank you – I say thank you for  inspiration even when I’ve never been to rehab, I’ve never had a drug or addiction problem, I’ve never been in that situation.  But I have felt the "why bother?" or the "why me?" and I have been so low it never felt like I would get back up.  Your story is universal and timeless and I just say thank you for sharing.  What is a story if it is not a gift?

Just as what are a few details versus a book filled with inspiration?

a few years ago there was a series of nike ads that i fell in love with (who knew i’d end up being an ad major??) that empowered women and inspired all who read them.  over the years i saved them and when i came across them again, i realized that i related to them more now than before.  i’ll share:

"i take me, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, so help me god.

we hold these truths to be self-evident: that all women are created equal and independent, that from that equal creation they derive rights inherent and inalienable, among which are the preservation of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.  awoman.

On my honor, I will try to make my health a priority, make it to the gym, note women into the office, balance work, kids, relationship, and all my other roles without losing my mind and to live by the make-myself-happy-law.  balance.

grant me the serenity to accept the things about myself i cannot change.  the courage to achange the things i can.  and the wisdom to know that i am beautiful.

i have the right not to remain silent, to put myself first, to be sexy, intelligent and tough all at the same time.  to be rich and happy.  anything i desire may not be held against me.  do you understand these rights?"

thank you nike – not only for many-a-pair of running shoes, but also for inspiration over the years.  keep it up!

For as long as I can remember, I have used art as some form of outlet for my emotions.  My senior year of college my art dirction class required me to fill a giant hard bound sketch pad – double sided.  Intimidating to say the least – I tackled the challenge and in turn – gave myself a treasured gift.

Now I have this giant black book – half destroyed, binding broken, things falling from it… but in some sense, it became 6 months in a book that I will keep forever.  And when the semester ended I felt as if I was saying goodbye to a friend, so I did the only logical thing there was to do – rush out to buy a new one.  But this new one wasn’t the same.  It was white and spotless and perfect and so smooth.  I’m a fan of the broken-in t-shirt; this was the new stiff, crunchy kind.  And now, a year later, it still isn’t the same as the original.

I’ve noticed when I use the outlet that things fall into place.  When we let things out, we weigh less.  Also, when we let things out, we let things go.  And by putting them down on paper, we have permission to go back and visit and then once again, say goodbye. 

Once again Brian Andreas, one of my favorite artists (from my favorite state!) has inspired me. 

 Disappearing      
      The day he first told me he was starting to disappear I didn’t believe him & so he stopped & held his hand up to the sun & it was like thin paper in the light & finally I said you seem very calm for a man who is disappearing & he said it was a relief after all those years of trying to keep the pieces of his life in one place. Later on, I went to see him again & as I was leaving, he put a package in my hand. This is the last piece of my life, he said, take good care of it & then he smiled & was gone & the room filled with the sound of the wind & when I opened the package there was nothing there & I thought there must be some mistake or maybe I dropped it & I got down on my hands & knees & looked until the light began to fade & then slowly I felt the pieces of my life fall away gently & suddenly I understood what he meant & I lay there for a long time crying & laughing at the same time.

I’ve been reading and enjoying his writings for a really long time but this one suddenly makes complete sense to me.

we go through life so fast trying to hang on to everything, to stay in control of everything, and there comes a point when you just have to let go.  and when you let go it all falls into place and life becomes simpler and you understand the point is not to hang on but to live.  and sometimes it means getting on your hands and knees and searching for something that isnt there entirely too long to slow down.

what does slowing down get us?

i’m starting to think everything.  i feel like once we slow down we live.  we make time for everyone around us.  we aknowledge them.  we love them.  and if we slow down long enough, we may find the time to love ourselves. 

we can’t find love from anywhere else if we cant find it in ourselves.  so maybe it’s time to put the breaks on, let the pieces fall, and slow down.

I have a memory of a day early last spring, graduation approaching, decisions to be made, and stress all around.
Nicole and I decided to go for a walk around my neighborhood at the time and we got on the subject of how she always chooses a word for the year.  At that point I thought to myself that the rest of my year would be "let go."  And really, I think I did.  And I think I still am.

Now, as 2006 came "chargin’ through" my thoughts turned to what my word for 2006 would be. 

create.

I’ve come to the conclusion that that’s what I do, I’m a creator.

Here’s the application for 2006 —

I will create something just for me.
I will create peace an happiness in my life.
I will create as much as I can for Shift – art, words, and creativity – that are beautiful, inspiring, and joyful.
I will create space and balance.
I will create a future.

What’s your 2006 word?

I spent some of my better years working at summer camp in the middle-of-no-where Iowa.

One summer in particular, I, along with my good friend and "village partner" Greg, had taken our cabins to walmart to pass out suckers and make people smile, all along teaching a lesson in between.  The night was getting late and Greg and I ran to pass out the last couple of suckers, when we came upon the cutest elderly couple.  Greg handed him a sucker with the biggest grin you can only imagine and said, "Have a great day, Sir!!"  He stopped and looked at us and said, "You know, some days are good, but some days are better…" 

That message has stayed with me ever since.

Later that summer I was sitting with another cabin, a whole new group of impressionable girls and one assistant counselor to help me out.  I was telling them the story thinking nothing would come of it, until once again – I recieved a letter that made me realize how important our words are.

My assistant counselor who had listened to my story wrote to tell me she was working and having a rough day, feeling like the world was against her, when she helped a man out with his groceries and, out of habit, she told him to have a good day.  He turned to her and said, "Some days are good, but some days are better."

She knew after that moment she never would have to have a bad day again.

______________________________________________________________ I’m now begining to realize how easy it is to have a pity party for myself, how easy it is to let the bad overshadow the good, and in the end, how easy it is to allow bad days to happen.

And then it comes back to the game.  Our thoughts create our reality.  Our attitude can determine our path.    We are in charge.  We are at choice. 

So I ask you, who ever asked for a bad day? 

I say:  celebrate the little victories,  find joy in the all things,  choose words with care, and make the choice…

Never have a bad day again.