Shift – A Game About Love, Fear and Life

Camus said, “Live to the point of tears.”

And I think I am really understanding what that means.
Though today is Thursday, I feel like Sunday was years ago. We’ve been up, we’ve been down, and we’ve even been snowed in.

I have found myself experiencing tears of joy because of people we’ve met, accomplishments we have recognized, and most importantly because I’m so overwhelmed and impressed by all we have done and are doing. Likewise, I have found myself experiencing tears of of exhaustion, frustration, and probably even a little self-pity.

But in the end I have lived. And I’ve lived fully. I have lived to the point of tears.

Some movies are good, some movies aren’t – while some leave you laughing and others leave you changed. 

I didn’t walk out of Jarhead raving about what a good movie it was, or how hot Jake Gyllehaal was, but more trying to find the lesson to carry with me.

Interestingly enough, when "Desert Shield" and "Desert Storm" occured, I was in second grade, and really only have one memory of talking about it with my parents – and then as soon as it began, it ended.  That was my impression of war.

At 23, I have a much different perspective of war than I did at age eight.  I now know people who are fighting for us – a highschool boyfriend, a close friend, and even my step-brother.  As I have heard it compared, this is my generation’s Vietnam.  ("Every war is different, every war is the same." Swoff)

I’m so scared of violence and fighting.  And I will say time and time again that peace is the answer.  I believe Gandhi when he said, "An eye for an eye makes the whole world go blind."  I, more than anything, support our troops who are over there doing their job, protecting us.

I have no first hand experience with war.  So I can’t watch a movie like that and say that is how it is, or isn’t.  I have no judgement.

But much of what the movie says is still echoing in my head. 
And many of the images will stay with me.  (seeing the flames of the burning oil fields, Swoff says, "The Earth is bleeding.") 

But mostly what stays with me is the mirror, the reflection of our past in our present.  The movie speaks of President Bush (our current President’s father), the toll of war on our psyche, ("For most problems the marine is issued a solution. If ill, go to sickbay. If wounded, call corpsman. If dead, report to graves registration. If losing his mind, however, no standard solution exists." Swoff) and the fact that "we are still in the desert."  (Swoff)

Add another word to the dictionary: girlcott.
I think it is fantastic — or at least a fantastic cause to support.

We’ve all seen the shirts –
        "With These Who Needs Brains…"
        "I hope you can make more then I can spend…"
        "Last night I had a nightmare I was a brunette.."
    not to mention worse (that will be left unmentioned).

So now a group of girls are starting a "girlcott" against Abercrombie & Fitch, so they will stop selling the fore mentioned shirts and appologize.

We see these messages when we turn the TV on or listen to the radio – and now we are willing to wear these messages across our chests.

I’m not gonna lie, I think some of the trendy screen printed shirts are cute – I even own an "everybody loves a midwestern girl," "keep the spirit alive, high five," or even one with a little pig asking us to "hug me, don’t eat me".  But I don’t think I could ever consider wearing a shirt that could possibly offend another.

It’s not that I hope to see Abercrombie & Fitch go bankrupt or close – but maybe to think twice about the message that they are sending out – especially to our younger generations.  Wasn’t it just a couple of years ago when A&F was in trouble for having more close than skin in their catalog’s?  Apparently they believe in the idea of "no press is bad press."

Why don’t we spend our time, efforts, and money building each other up instead of degrading one another?  Let’s become more powerful role models than these shirts and continue to spread the word.
(but my favorite shirt i’ve seen so far is "save the drama for your mama." lets live by that.)

There’s something about a speaker thumping so hard that you can feel it in your chest and your knees (almost like those really fantastic fireworks…) that makes you feel so alive. I know that sounds silly, but sometimes at a concert when you can feel the bass in every part of your body, I almost feel like it’s the music reminding me to dance and to feel alive. So I dance and I’m glad.

“You can turn off the sun, but I’m still gonna shine…” Jason Mraz (a fantastic concert last night at the Fillmore)

I seem to have had a blog drought again. But for good reason (and not for lack of inspiration!)

I went on vacation.

Chris and I went on a 10 day trip, well cruise, out of Fort Lauderdale, to Haiti, St Kitts, St Maarten, St Thomas and San Juan. And we had a fantastic time. Though I’m still not sure what the difference between a soup and a bisque is, I learned lessons of letting go of the stress from home, the joys of sea sickness, and even experienced the medical mystery of the “black tongue,” I also learned that the bumps along the way make you laugh later.

But I realized that beautiful beaches, little shops, good food, and a tan only go so far. In the end, it’s the people that make it worth it.

On most cruises, they assign you a table for dinner and those are the people you sit with the whole length of the trip. We ended up sitting with some of the most wonderful people – each with something different to bring to the group – all unlikely friends – but all having a fabulous time together, looking forward to dinner each night. I’ve said this many times, but I firmly believe it is the people that make the place – and ultimately the experience.

So to my six new friends – Thank You for making our trip what it was.

I’m not very good at doing things alone. (so for sure, I’m NOT also known as the Independent!) But I’ve decided that I have to overcome some things and accept some others. This weekend I overcame. For most people, driving from Denver to Aspen would be no big deal; they would never even hesitate (and I feel that fact has been made quite clear…). And the thing is, I would never hesitate if someone wanted to join me. But to make the journey on my own was unheard of, but really, was so exciting. I did it. One of my best friends, Riley, recently moved to Aspen. I knew it was important to visit now, not only because my fear of driving in the upcoming snow (Yes, I know, I am from the midwest…), but also because it shows I am making an effort and that he is important to me. And he is.

And as I drove along I-70, I found myself making an effort to keep my eyes on the road and not on the colors that were flying all around me. It was as if flames shot out from the trees – the colors seemed to be individually placed to make the perfect combination and I fell in love with it. I felt so lucky to be able to experience how beautiful it was, even if I was driving…

After spending four years in Boulder, I grew sick of hearing how it was "a four year escape from reality." But as my time there passed, I grew to recognize, and even accept that idea. After this weekend, I decided that if Boulder is a day dream, than Aspen is the fantasy. These places are unlike anywhere else on earth.

As I turned onto Colfax and was back in my neighborhood, a sense of relief came over me. I had troubles sleeping at night in Aspen because of the silence, and my brain did it’s best making lots of noise, even if it was contained in my head. I think it’s easier for me to hide with the craziness all around than face it in the peacefulness of nature. I will overcome that next. Promise!

My sister once told me to do one thing everyday that scared me, and I would be happy. So true. So, what’s the plan for tomorrow?

Last night, by chance, I found myself in Boulder at the Burma Lifeline Benefit Bash. (http://www.burmalifeline.org)  Turns out my roommate had done some volunteer PR for the local non-profit, and wanted to go check out what she had done the work for.  So, I decided to join her, not knowing what any of it was about.

Tonight I was sorting through the mail and I noticed my dad’s very distinctive handwriting.  I’m used to getting mail from the parents (and always thankful I must add), usually if it’s coming from that half, it is in my step-mom’s handwriting.