Shift - A Game About Love, Fear and Life

I have a memory of a day early last spring, graduation approaching, decisions to be made, and stress all around.
Nicole and I decided to go for a walk around my neighborhood at the time and we got on the subject of how she always chooses a word for the year.  At that point I thought to myself that the rest of my year would be "let go."  And really, I think I did.  And I think I still am.

Now, as 2006 came "chargin’ through" my thoughts turned to what my word for 2006 would be. 

create.

I’ve come to the conclusion that that’s what I do, I’m a creator.

Here’s the application for 2006 —

I will create something just for me.
I will create peace an happiness in my life.
I will create as much as I can for Shift - art, words, and creativity - that are beautiful, inspiring, and joyful.
I will create space and balance.
I will create a future.

What’s your 2006 word?

Once again Brian Andreas, one of my favorite artists (from my favorite state!) has inspired me. 

 Disappearing      
      The day he first told me he was starting to disappear I didn’t believe him & so he stopped & held his hand up to the sun & it was like thin paper in the light & finally I said you seem very calm for a man who is disappearing & he said it was a relief after all those years of trying to keep the pieces of his life in one place. Later on, I went to see him again & as I was leaving, he put a package in my hand. This is the last piece of my life, he said, take good care of it & then he smiled & was gone & the room filled with the sound of the wind & when I opened the package there was nothing there & I thought there must be some mistake or maybe I dropped it & I got down on my hands & knees & looked until the light began to fade & then slowly I felt the pieces of my life fall away gently & suddenly I understood what he meant & I lay there for a long time crying & laughing at the same time.

I’ve been reading and enjoying his writings for a really long time but this one suddenly makes complete sense to me.

we go through life so fast trying to hang on to everything, to stay in control of everything, and there comes a point when you just have to let go.  and when you let go it all falls into place and life becomes simpler and you understand the point is not to hang on but to live.  and sometimes it means getting on your hands and knees and searching for something that isnt there entirely too long to slow down.

what does slowing down get us?

i’m starting to think everything.  i feel like once we slow down we live.  we make time for everyone around us.  we aknowledge them.  we love them.  and if we slow down long enough, we may find the time to love ourselves. 

we can’t find love from anywhere else if we cant find it in ourselves.  so maybe it’s time to put the breaks on, let the pieces fall, and slow down.

I’ve been wanting to write about his subject for months. Can you live a life of balance and work at a start-up? Or I should say can I? It’s now 11:29 PM and I’m writing this blog, so I probably loose a point there. I wanted to write tonight- needed to get it in. My yoga teacher has started a new class. Now we do an hour of Iyengar (Iyengar is known for its strong focus on alignment and positioning) and then we do a half hr of meditation. On Monday nights. I am so thankful for this gift. I’ve been wanting to have a regular meditiation/yoga practice for years and at least now, I can commit to one day a week. 

I took 10 days off over the holidays and was without email for at least 5. I feel fantastic- Newly energized. Raring to go!

The first 20 minutes in yoga were a bit labored today. All that energy and excitement that comes with me working in my jam-packed 15 minute increments actually didn’t feel so great when I stopped and felt my body. My forhead and eyes were tense- I couldn’t get rid of that crease in between my brows even when i streched it out with my fingers- and my breathing was shallow. I was panting from high up in my lungs like a chihuahua. I was pretty revved up.

Yoga’s great though. Originally created with the intention of getting the mind and body ready to meditate, it really does just that. More poses than usual in, I finally got into my body. My eyes began to tear, my back opened up, my breathing calmed down and I finally became more present. And then we did one of my favorites- the Tree pose. Sometimes I make us do this in the middle of the day at work because balancing on one leg requires singular focus. I must pick a point on the wall or floor or I’m off and I fall. 30 seconds of not being able to think about anything except pressing my foot into the inside of my thigh and growing tall. It’s fantastic.

Today’s meditation was a bit more difficult for me because we only had a bit of guidance at the beginning. I like having something to put my mind to because I’m still working on mind control and it’s so easy for me to think about dinner, and making those sales calls so we actually have some retail locations when that article in The Miami Herald comes out and getting our shipping process seamless and have the dogs peed all of over the house because they haven’t been out and… you see?

Our guidance today was to envision light in us and around us, coming in and out as we breathe, as we speak as we see… I could see this gold light and could see it swirling and moving in and out of my body and I could feel my breath move down low into my belly so that it completly filled me up. I didn’t really see it coming out of my chakras because I have to admit and I know this might be crazy for someone who claims to be involved in Self-help and New-age, but I actually don’t know where they all are… so I just thought about light filling me and everything around me. I like that visualization.

We spoke about going to sleep after redirecting our thoughts inward and having some intention- even in our dreams. In the movie What The Bleep Do we Know?, they talk about creating your day.  Pretty cool right? Decide your intent for the day when you wake up. See it unfold with everything going your way- include plenty of green lights and parking spaces. It really does make so much sense to take 5 minutes at the beginning and end of the day to go within.  That might mean reading a lesson from a Course in Miracles or focusing on a symbol. Just 5 minutes. 

So, can I put 5 minutes of balance twice a day into my start-up life? The better question is can I be consistent or how long can I stay committed? Let’s see.

Hmmm, now that my back is starting to hurt, I think it’s time to move away from the computer and towards bed. I think I’ll use some canine wisdom, do my upward and downward dogs, and vision some gold light before crawling in.

I was compelled to write this just now. There’s a ridiculous controversy that small parts of the book, A Million Little Pieces by James Frey are fabricated. They are soooo minimal. A few pages about the exact nature of his arrests are being questioned when there are over 400 pages about his time in rehab. The main story is that this man conquered his addictions with the power of his thoughts and is still living his life from love. Larry King should research his guests. If he’d read the first 5 pages of that book he wouldn’t have had to ask basic questions that the millions of us who have read it know such as does James have any siblings. He kept asking if this controversy will make him use again. He’s been sober 13 years. It’s just unfortunate that an entire hr could be spent focusing on such trivial stuff and not the actual book.

Whew- Oprah just called in and she is THE BOMB!!! She spoke clearly about the true message of redemption in the book and the fact that that is what is relevant. She addressed a caller and said, "If you are an addict and you connected to James ’s message then that is what is real…

The book’s message is HOLD ON…. I love it.

So this is what I wrote to his publisher after watching 20 minutes of the interview. I hope he gets it.

________________________________________

Please, please, please forward this to James Frey.

James,

I’m watching you on Larry King right now and want to just remind you how truly supported you are. You did a powerful, incredible thing. You chose health and healed yourself. Larry King could benefit from some of your integrity and it would have been nice if he actually read the book.

So ignore all this bullshit. It’s just another distraction from the truth. You are where you are because you made a choice and make a choice every day. You chose you. You chose love.

Congratulations on all your successes. I loved the book and know from my own darkest hours that what you have seen and experienced are situations that most (and especially your critics)could never recover from. Let it all go and ignore them.

Everyone chooses their own experiences and people will react as they choose.

Keep writing. We’ve got much to learn from you.

All my best,

Nicole

For as long as I can remember, I have used art as some form of outlet for my emotions.  My senior year of college my art dirction class required me to fill a giant hard bound sketch pad - double sided.  Intimidating to say the least - I tackled the challenge and in turn - gave myself a treasured gift.

Now I have this giant black book - half destroyed, binding broken, things falling from it… but in some sense, it became 6 months in a book that I will keep forever.  And when the semester ended I felt as if I was saying goodbye to a friend, so I did the only logical thing there was to do - rush out to buy a new one.  But this new one wasn’t the same.  It was white and spotless and perfect and so smooth.  I’m a fan of the broken-in t-shirt; this was the new stiff, crunchy kind.  And now, a year later, it still isn’t the same as the original.

I’ve noticed when I use the outlet that things fall into place.  When we let things out, we weigh less.  Also, when we let things out, we let things go.  And by putting them down on paper, we have permission to go back and visit and then once again, say goodbye. 

a few years ago there was a series of nike ads that i fell in love with (who knew i’d end up being an ad major??) that empowered women and inspired all who read them.  over the years i saved them and when i came across them again, i realized that i related to them more now than before.  i’ll share:

"i take me, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, so help me god.

we hold these truths to be self-evident: that all women are created equal and independent, that from that equal creation they derive rights inherent and inalienable, among which are the preservation of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.  awoman.

On my honor, I will try to make my health a priority, make it to the gym, note women into the office, balance work, kids, relationship, and all my other roles without losing my mind and to live by the make-myself-happy-law.  balance.

grant me the serenity to accept the things about myself i cannot change.  the courage to achange the things i can.  and the wisdom to know that i am beautiful.

i have the right not to remain silent, to put myself first, to be sexy, intelligent and tough all at the same time.  to be rich and happy.  anything i desire may not be held against me.  do you understand these rights?"

thank you nike - not only for many-a-pair of running shoes, but also for inspiration over the years.  keep it up!

Love is the way I walk in gratitude…oh, yes it is.

We just had an amazing weekend at our first conference, World Wellness Weekend. This is the first time we’ve really engaged with the public and we received the most amazing support and feedback. People kept telling us how much they liked the concept and the amazing part was that they kept telling us how proud they were of us. I can’t tell you how many people said they were proud of me. People hugged us and had me sign their games- (which is interesting for me- still learning to receive that I can be loved and show humility at the same time). Games sold and people took the game back to use in their coaching practices, play with their friends and even use in an outpoatient rehab clinic. One husband was hilarious. He and his wife bought the game the day before and played that night. They stopped by the booth the next day and he had to tell us that he made it to love first. She joked and said that she visioned his getting their first to stroke his ego.

It was just what we needed. We’ve been working so hard and I’ve been whipping Joyce and Kristen. I constantly talk about revenue and how every move we make needs to be tied to it and I’ve been keeping them hidden in a darkened basement behind their computers. They have 61/2 years left of their indentured servitude:) So, this conference was fantastic. They got to hear the feedback themselves and have fun. It reassured all of us that we are on the right track. People got it and it was oh so nice to hear all of the words of encouragement.

Kristen said something profound last night on our way home from the show. Weak and weary from both excitement and the strain of being on all day, we had just packed up the truck and were heading home when Kristen said (I’m trying to quote accuratley however you must remember that I was weak and weary…), “You know, it’s just a game. It’s just another tool. What truly makes the difference is the person’s willingness.” Kristen is 23. Her wisdom shows that it truly isn’t the age- it’s the stage.

It stuck with me all night.

It’s the truth. It’s the reason why I still love James Frey’s book even with all the controversy.

We must be willing.

Shifts can only occur with willingness. We must be willing to see. We must be willing to listen. We must be willing to open ourselves to new experiences. We must be willing to be vulnerable. We must be willing to believe that there can be an outcome that differs from all the ones that came before. We must be willing to believe that we are loved and then willing to receive love when it shows up.

People congratulated me this weekend because they admired my story. They liked that I quit my job and pursued my vision. Is that really any different than getting in shape or trusting in a relationship? Does willingness really come in different forms or show up on different levels? I believe that my choosing to follow my vision was really just an extension of the same willingness that brought me to these lessons in the first place.

If playing a game allows people to show up differently in their lives because they had the willingness to try it in the first place, then I am very excited to see what’s down the road.

I am incredibly excited for what lays ahead and man oh man, am I willing… I am willing it to be…

So friday night I went out to celebrate a good friend of mine (as I refuse to call it a going away party) and the subject of Oprah came up, specifically the most recent show with James Frey came up.  My friend, who loves oprah even more than I do, agreed with everything she said.  "He’s just a liar," he said. I asked if he had read the book and he said no.  He said he would never read a book  "claimed" to be true, but not and that five simple words - Based on a True Story - would have made all of the difference to him.

I love oprah - I love everything she stands for, everything she does, the change she creates.  She is an inspiration to everyone.  but I didn’t love what she had to say about James Frey and his book, A Million Little Pieces.  Maybe novacaine was used, maybe his time in jail wasn’t accurate, and maybe Lily didn’t hang herself - but maybe, just maybe privacy was protected, respect was shown.  What do details matter when the point is the same? 

To James I say thank you - I say thank you for  inspiration even when I’ve never been to rehab, I’ve never had a drug or addiction problem, I’ve never been in that situation.  But I have felt the "why bother?" or the "why me?" and I have been so low it never felt like I would get back up.  Your story is universal and timeless and I just say thank you for sharing.  What is a story if it is not a gift?

Just as what are a few details versus a book filled with inspiration?

During the Christmas rush, my daughter and I were responsible for sending out several games to new Shift players. We were a good team and got alot of games out and in the mail. However, even with beautiful music in the background and good company in the present, I felt it all becoming too routine. These games are special and have been created out of love and with love. We needed to change our thoughts about the routine of creating labels, packing boxes, sealing boxes and driving to FedEx. We decided to bless the games - to make each one special, going to special people. Now, each and every game that leaves our facility, is blessed. Recently at The World Wellness Conference, we talked about Shift until we no longer had a voice left. Every game sold at the World Wellness Conference was blessed. We wished them a good home and many new friends. This practice continues and as long as we are able, please know that when Shift is sent to you it comes with heartfelt good wishes for a speedy delivery and many good games. Namaste!