January 5th, 2006 - filed in Play, Relationships
Disappearing.
Once again Brian Andreas, one of my favorite artists (from my favorite state!) has inspired me.
Disappearing
The day he first told me he was starting to disappear I didn’t believe him & so he stopped & held his hand up to the sun & it was like thin paper in the light & finally I said you seem very calm for a man who is disappearing & he said it was a relief after all those years of trying to keep the pieces of his life in one place. Later on, I went to see him again & as I was leaving, he put a package in my hand. This is the last piece of my life, he said, take good care of it & then he smiled & was gone & the room filled with the sound of the wind & when I opened the package there was nothing there & I thought there must be some mistake or maybe I dropped it & I got down on my hands & knees & looked until the light began to fade & then slowly I felt the pieces of my life fall away gently & suddenly I understood what he meant & I lay there for a long time crying & laughing at the same time.
I’ve been reading and enjoying his writings for a really long time but this one suddenly makes complete sense to me.
we go through life so fast trying to hang on to everything, to stay in control of everything, and there comes a point when you just have to let go. and when you let go it all falls into place and life becomes simpler and you understand the point is not to hang on but to live. and sometimes it means getting on your hands and knees and searching for something that isnt there entirely too long to slow down.
what does slowing down get us?
i’m starting to think everything. i feel like once we slow down we live. we make time for everyone around us. we aknowledge them. we love them. and if we slow down long enough, we may find the time to love ourselves.
we can’t find love from anywhere else if we cant find it in ourselves. so maybe it’s time to put the breaks on, let the pieces fall, and slow down.